heartache

On February 7, 2010, the Lord opened my heart to an ache that I had not yet known. As I sat in church, I intently watched the screen as the speaker directed the congregation to the story of a woman named Fortunate-a woman dying of AIDS. Tears formed in my eyes as my heart began to break for a woman I did not know from a place I had never heard of. The tears dried and the red from my face faded but the heartache lingered. The Lord's voice was loud and clear, "I have opened a door for you. Walk through, I'm holding your hand." 

"My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." Psalm 84:2

Over the last year my heart and flesh have cried out for the living God. I've pleaded my desire to go back to that unknown country for more than a swift ten days. Selfishly I have demanded an answer from the Lord. With shame I realize that I have been incredibly impatient with my Maker. His timing is perfect, his love unconditional, his patience unending.

Yet he still answers. He whispers to me what he needs me to hear. He calmly reassures me that he is in control, and that I have no need to worry. He gently says to me, "I know your heartache because it was first mine. Let me lead the way."

In less than four months I'll be boarding a plane to Swaziland, that unknown country that holds a special place in my heart. 

I hope that one day I'll be in Swaziland for a long time but for now, I'll treasure the few days that I do have there.

The Lord's ways are much greater than mine.